Another bad poem and more insecurities

Nails chewed and eyebrows half gone, you can tell when she is stressed out. A nervous wreck, she sits there and figits. Playing with her ring to fight the urge to shout. Tell me why, why do I feel this way? Why does it feel like the end is today? Her fingers shaking, her mind a steady unease as I try and hook each crochet. One and, two and... she counts to herself If only she could do this all day Tell me why, why do I feel this way? Why does it feel like the end is today? Her thoughts bounce around, screaming at her her hearts beating out of her chest Please, be quiet and let me be! Some mornings she can't even get dressed. Tell me why, why do I feel this way? Why does it feel like the end is today? She stares at the bones protruding her skin and her veins bulging, they're trying to be free. But their little blue legs are far too weak, They'll never find their liberty. Tell me why, why do I feel this way? Why does it feel like the end is today? Bravely she strips, and her bare feet meet the linoleum She exhales and steps on the scale. She opens her eyes and looks at her the screen She's gained weight, but why does she look like a rail? Tell me why, why do I feel this way? Why does it feel like the end is today?

Shark Attack

So I finally started my period. It's been at least a month and a half. I know I skipped because my friend who usually gets her period a week before me, as gone through shark week twice.... I was freaking out, because I knew I wasn't pregnant? Darrien obviously can't impregnate me, seeing as he doesn't have a penis. I was talking to him about it and he pointed out my weight. That scares me. What if I have less than 11% body fat? That's crazy. I've been gaining weight. Everyone says I'm looking skinnier though. But I weigh 111.5 (I weighed myself--naked--right before I wrote this), and I was still getting my period when I was 104. Then again, that was around the time that my period started going out of wack. I can't even try to compare to Darrien's because he started taking birth control and then anti-birthcontrol (which doesn't get you pregnant, which is what I thought it would do based on the name. It's what your supposed to take before T if you're possibly still going through puberty) and now back on birth control because his mom is scared to put him on hormones, which is what birth control is. So his hormones are out of wack. My sister's crazy so I can't compare myself to her either. My period's really light too. I wasn't even sure I started it at first. It was lighter than when I started my period in fifth grade--I had a few spots on my undies, but not enough to be sure. But now there was probably 3 pin sized spots of what looked like paprika dotting the inside of my white women's boy shorts. I'm really scared and confused. I didn't get to tell Darrien because he had a therapy session and his mom won't let him take hormones and lied to him about his knife. It's been a very emotional night for him. I'm worried about him aswell. This is too much. I want to sleep and never wake up. But then I won't see him anymore. I want to fall asleep in his arms. There that's better. I feel comfortable knowing that no one will read this. At least, no one I know. Maybe someone will read this. This is me putting my thoughts out there, not sharing my thoughts with people who care. Is that bad? Am I hiding who I am from my close friends? I guess I am. I'm sorry if you read through this whole thing and you ended up being attacked by a whole lot of low self esteem. If low self esteem can attack. I'm not usually like this. But that's what the blogs for.