So Darrien and I are casually dating now.

At first I really wanted him to stop playing with me, and tell me straight up what was going on with us, but now, I'm not sure. I want to stay in this weird in between state as much as he does. I really love him, and I love being with him, but something in the back of my mind tells me that now's not the time.

I asked him if we could just be chill. Still go on dates, but not be a couple. School's starting. I'm scared to walk the halls without holding his hand and kissing him between classes, but at the same time I need to stop being such a pussy.

I don't want to be a girl that has to be in a relationship and can't stand being single. Because there's nothing wrong with being single. There's something wrong if you're in a relationship so you're not single.
I really love him, but I don't even know if I can handle this right now.

I'm such a bitch to him all the time, and he's short tempered and needs a lot of attention.

Then again, we're still treating each other the same as we were before. Just less sex.

The other day, I went over to his house, and we actually ended up topless kissing. We didn't go farther. I don't regret it. I'm actually really flattered that he took off his binder in front of me. He stopped doing that in the last couple months we were together.

I just don't know what I'm going to do with myself.

So Darrien broke up with me six days ago.

The first couple days I was fine.

we talked all the time we saw eachother

It was as if we were still in a relationship just not kissing.

Two days ago it hit me and I have been broken hearted ever since.

I've been kind of a bitch about it too.

But I think he deserves it.

I would be okay with it too if it was because of my asshole attitude or something, but he's using some lame excuse about how he needs to find himself.

You don't find yourself.

You make yourself.

Searching won't get you fucking anywhere.

I tried to explain this to him, but he won't fucking listen.

He wants to get back together as soon as he finds himself.

I feel like he's just trying to teach me a lesson.

Like he's trying to train me to be less of a bitch.

I sent him this. I cried when I read it.

And it's totally true.

I don't know what to do with myself.